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Just wondering...

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...how ”Cheers” would’ve handled the events of last week. So let’s go back... back to a Thursday night in the 80s ...

TEASER

INT. BAR - NIGHT

SAM AND COACH BEHIND THE BAR FIXING DRINKS. CARLA SERVING ON THE FLOOR. CLIFF SITS ON A STOOL WITH HIS BACK TO THE BAR LOOKING UP AT THE TV. NORM ENTERS AND HEADS TO HIS STOOL.

ALL
NORM!!

SAM
Norm, where ya’ been?

NORM
Helping Vera. She threw her back out.

SAM
What happened?

NORM
She tried lifting her front.

COACH
Oh that’s too bad.

NORM
Beer, Sam?

SAM FILLS AND SLIDES BEER TO NORM.

TV (O.S.)
Let’s go back to when you clerked under Judge Stephens...

NORM
(INDICATING TV) What’s this?

DIANE
Judge Brett Kavanaugh’s confirmation hearing.

NORM
Still? Hasn’t this been going on for, like, a week?

DIANE
It’s the last day of hearings, Norman. And I think it’s important for us to watch. This bar could use a little civics and civility.

CARLA
(AS SHE PASSES) Stuff it, Blondie.

COACH
Kavanaugh. Kavanaugh. Wasn’t he a backup Quarterback for the Patriots? Brett Kavanaugh?

SAM
I don’t think so, Coach.

COACH
Play guard for the Celtics?

SAM
No.

COACH
I got it. Outfielder for Red Sox. 1952.

SAM
Coach, that would make him 103.

COACH
103? He’s way too old to be a Supreme Court Justice.

NORM
Don’t tell Ginsburg. Anyway, it doesn’t matter what he says. He’s lying.

DIANE
You don’t know that.

NORM
Are his lips moving?

DIANE
Yes.

NORM
He’s lying.

DIANE SHAKES HER HEAD.

CLIFF
Norm’s telling the truth, Diane. The average person lies three out of four times. How many women have you slept with, Sammie?

SAM
I dunno. Five or six.

BAR REACTS

SAM
Okay. Okay. Ten or fifteen.

BAR REACTS

SAM
Twenty?

BAR REACTS

SAM
(GiVES UP) All right! Thirty or forty.

CLIFF
And there it is. See what I mean?

DIANE
It’s important that we all watch one of the hallmarks of our Democracy. The confirmation of a Supreme Court justice. Back in Indiana we deem events like this most important. Presidential elections. The State of the Union Address...

CARLA
Crowning of the Sweet Corn Queen.

DIANE
No need to mock, Carla. I’m still a sitting member in good standing on the Sweet Corn Committee.

CARLA ROLLS HER EYES AND STARTS GATHERING MIXED DRINKS AT THE BAR.

TV (O.S.)
...and with this new information that has just come to light, Judge, I’m afraid we’re going we’ll have to extend our hearings for another day.

NORM SPINS AROUND, GRABS THE REMOTE AND IS ABOUT TO HURL IT TOWARD THE TV.

BAR
NORM!

END OF TEASER
OPENING CREDITS
 
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